I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
