I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
