hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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