guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
