I accidentally burped into my bong.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
