What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you had me at cake vodka
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
