So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
