# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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