dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
