Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
