so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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