Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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