I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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