she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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