Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize