at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize