i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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