His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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