She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
