we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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