i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
