hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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