I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
