ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize