I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
