Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
