cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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