I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
