Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
