the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
