I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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