I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
