nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
