She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
