one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
