worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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