I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
