He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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