Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
