So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
