Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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