the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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