You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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