her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
