she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
