Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
