things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
