So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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