Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
