i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
