Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
