mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
