Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize