You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
