Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
