While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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