Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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