god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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