do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
as a side note pls kill me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
