I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize