So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Too much gin, very little bucket
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
