Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Someone came in the potted fern
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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