true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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