Will you blow on my dice?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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