if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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