Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
