UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is Oprah even human
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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