She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
