I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
