I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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