So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
