i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
