nut hugger
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
