god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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