Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
