Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So squirting runs in the family.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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